Birthday Boggler

Hello, and thank you for tuning in to IECW. We were delighted to receive a question from Jared, and decided to dedicate our first substantive post to his quagmire. Jared's query pertains to Facebook, a social networking site. Ironically enough, his problem started with what most would consider a blessing:

"It was recently my birthday and 26 people wrote on my internet wall with some form of the phrase "Happy Birthday."

Good graces, 26 people? I'm surprised that Mr. Popular didn't have someone else to ask! Jared goes on:

"This was very nice of them and I appreciate the kind words, but what do I do now? If these people had wished me a happy birthday while running into them at the grocery store I would have promptly said, "Why, thank you!" But, in this case, I log into a computer and get all of these messages at once and I don't really want to write back "Why, thank you!" 26 times..."

So, what is Jared to do? Faced by an unmanageable number of online well-wishers, should he be held to traditional rules of etiquette? How might he use interpersonal electronic communication to make his task a little easier?

The ever-ambiguous interplay of recognition and gratitude, particularly regarding wall-post sentiments, is an extremely challenging issue in the interpersonal electronic communications world. Moreover, the "happy birthday" wall post is both a common and especially befuddling scenario. For some members of social networks (especially those who have more friends than they know what to do with!), it is difficult to keep track of all the friendly wishes on your special day.

We here at IECW would suggest that you choose a response plan, and stick to it! If you feel capable of adressing an overabundance of birthday messages on your "wall," then feel free to respond to the posts by choosing to click the "write on 'so-and-so's' wall" button. You can subsequently fill in that text box with a polite extension of thanks to your internet friend.

But what if, like Jared, you find that you don't have time to acknowledge all of your friends? Perhaps you are caught up in the day's festivities outside the world of electronic communication. Don't worry! The widely accepted presumption amongst social networkers is that you will not post back. The deluge of messages many persons receive on their birthdays is symptomatic of the many facebook users who we in the IEC identify as "perpetual posters" ("incessant inviters" also exist, but that's another subject). These people are often individuals who you have not spoken to for over 4 years. Additionally, you may have defriended them, felt bad, refriended them, but then later regretted doing so, resulting in another act of defriendation. Regardless, you have the right to deny "perpetual posters" any sort of extended gratitude.

While there are no formal rules of facebook etiquette, we would like to suggest one big no-no in regard to birthday wall posts: DO NOT POST ANY FORM OF GRATITUDE UPON YOUR OWN WALL! Posting on your own wall is absolutely unacceptable, and frankly, it's gauche.

I think that this is a great first question, and allows us to provide an example of how confusing and difficult the world of interpersonal electronic communication truly can be! Please continue to comment or email us with your questions.